I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

I'm tired of hearing about innocent victims. It's fiction, If you live on this planet you're guilty, period, f*** you, next case, end of report. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt.

Life is a near-death experience.

I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

It's never just a game when you're winning.