I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.

If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.

I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!