At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!

I believe you can joke about anything.

I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.

Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.