Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.

I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.

Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.

People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

I think it would be fair and right to use some of my land and wealth for a drug-rehab center or an Indian school.

At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.