College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one

My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago.

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today -- for tomorrow's gonna be bad enough as it is.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.