Men go to the theatre to forget; women, to remember.

Musicals are to the theater what wines are to a substantial dinner.

I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don't know one who wouldn't fall down the first open coal hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.

The path of sound credence is through the thick forest of skepticism.

An abstainer is the sort of man you wouldn't want to drink with even if he did.

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor.

The Russian dramatist is one who, walking through a cemetery, does not see the flowers on the graves. The American dramatist . . . Does not see the graves under the flowers.