All that is necessary to raise imbecility into what the mob regards as profundity is to lift it off the floor and put it on a platform.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

I drink to make other people interesting.

Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Sex touches the heavens only when it simultaneously touches the gutter and the mud.

The bachelors admired freedom is often a yoke, for the freer a man is to himself the greater slave he often is to the whims of others.

The notion that as a man grows older his illusions leave him is not quite true. What is true is that his early illusions are supplanted by new, and to him, equally convincing illusions.