It may be said that artist and censor differ in this wise: that the first is a decent mind in an indecent body and that the second is an indecent mind in a decent body.

Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.

I drink to make other people interesting.

Like everybody else, when I don't know what else to do, I seem to go in for catching colds.

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.

It is only the cynicism that is born of success that is penetrating and valid.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.