I think we all feel the same things most of the time, we just don't know how to put it into words. When I'm on stage, I say it. The truth makes people laugh.

Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member.

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.

Making a movie about one group of people isolates the larger majority. That's what I require of the projects that I'm involved with. I would not ever make a movie strictly for Latinos.

I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.