If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.

I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'

I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.