I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.

My family originally lived in Brooklyn. Our first apartment was a little place above my father and uncle's hardware store in Coney Island. Now, don't get the impression that we were surrounded by merry-go-rounds, roller coasters and Ferris wheels. Nope, this was a little side street.

I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

What do Japanese Jews love to eat? Hebrew National Tsunami.