I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.

There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.

Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.

Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.