Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.

The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.

If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.

Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.

Nothing can help my comedy.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.