Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.

There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.

Nothing can help my comedy.

If a comedian tells a joke that you find funny, you laugh. If he tells a joke you do not find funny, dont laugh. Or you could possibly go as far as groaning or rolling your eyes. Then you wait for his next joke; if thats funny, then you laugh. If its not, you dont laugh - or at very worst, you can leave quietly.

I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.”