I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old.

You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.

I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.

There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.