I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.
I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.
Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'
The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.