I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'

I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.

I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashians divorce before she did.

I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.”

If they'd wanted a nice parrot, they wouldn't have asked for me.

You can say "ass," but you can't say "asshole." That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an "ass." Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.

I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.