I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.

If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.

If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.'