I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'

I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.

I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like its crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like its laughing. Nowadays, we would say, How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.

I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.