One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.

I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.

Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.