If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.

I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'

There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.

I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.”

I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.

I'd make Jack Benny look like a philanthropist.

I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.