If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.

I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.

Nothing can help my comedy.

I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.

I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.