I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashians divorce before she did.

I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.

Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.