I love when they show the really gay prisoner in prison shows. He's the cutest inside but you know on the street he would be the ugliest.

Want to shut a racist white guy's mouth. Put him around Super human athletic black dudes.

I got into trouble a lot in school. They say you're a disturbance in class. You're a distraction, they're moving you around. You never really get rewarded in class for being funny. You're a disturbance. But the funny kid is often witty and clever and quick... they finally get a chance to express themselves when they get out of school.

That's what I take pride in in my stand-up, is changing things up. Being special.

I use profanity because I like profanity, but I'm not vulgar. Big difference. I love profanity because I really think profanity is cool.

You know what the bodega is? It's the little Latin store, and they try to act like it's a grocery store. It has two aisles. And the guy, he always tries to help me, 'You looking for the bread?' I was like, 'Dude, I can see it right here, alright.' He's like, 'Hey, hey, it's in aisle two.' That's all you got, what are you talking about?

My black friends in America don't believe me. I said, 'Dude, I'm Nigerian American.' 'Word? We thought you were, like, regular black.' What the hell is 'regular black'? Crayola coming out with colors I don't know about?