Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water,I simply defrost it.

You've buttered your bread, now sleep in it.

The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers have to sit in the balcony.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

Some people are amazed at my brain, but really it's nothing.