Gracie Allen Quotes

Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with enough education and brains the average man would make a good lawyer - and so would the average lawyer.

It's a game everybody plays. If you see a man with a beard and holler "Beaver!" it's five points. And if you see a man with a moustache, it's onlI three points.

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

Gracie: "Don't give up, Blanche. Women don't do that. Look at Betsy Ross, Martha Washington-they didn't give up. Look at Nina Jones." Blanche Morton: "Nina Jones?" Gracie: "I've never heard of her either, because she gave up."

When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

My mind works so fast. When I think of something I say it. Lots of times I say it even before I think of it.

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

Let's all pull together and make these United States the grandest place in this whole country. I see a vision. A glorious vision. A united people, marching forward shoulder to shoulder, giving their all for the common good, working while I whistle.

A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your economic programs if you want to, I'll develop my radio personality.

It's foolish to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I know it seems silly to ask a horse who's going to win a race - but it's no sillier than asking anyone else.

I'm the candidate who forgot to take off her hat before she threw it in the ring.

I left my car parked at the top of Lombard Street Hill, and I forgot to put the breaks on. It's the funniest thing. The car is running down the hill.

We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take.

You've buttered your bread, now sleep in it.

You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?

The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers have to sit in the balcony.

This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them.

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water,I simply defrost it.

Some people are amazed at my brain, but really it's nothing.

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old.

A young boy shouldn't be given up for hopeless just because he's lazy, surly, and good for nothing. Don't be discouraged by those things - maybe he's just trying to be like his daddy.

Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.