I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water,I simply defrost it.

All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

Some people are amazed at my brain, but really it's nothing.

A young boy shouldn't be given up for hopeless just because he's lazy, surly, and good for nothing. Don't be discouraged by those things - maybe he's just trying to be like his daddy.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

I'm the candidate who forgot to take off her hat before she threw it in the ring.