I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

It's foolish to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I know it seems silly to ask a horse who's going to win a race - but it's no sillier than asking anyone else.

A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.