I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

It's foolish to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I know it seems silly to ask a horse who's going to win a race - but it's no sillier than asking anyone else.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Some people are amazed at my brain, but really it's nothing.

I left my car parked at the top of Lombard Street Hill, and I forgot to put the breaks on. It's the funniest thing. The car is running down the hill.

The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers have to sit in the balcony.