Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

Gracie: "Don't give up, Blanche. Women don't do that. Look at Betsy Ross, Martha Washington-they didn't give up. Look at Nina Jones." Blanche Morton: "Nina Jones?" Gracie: "I've never heard of her either, because she gave up."

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

Some people are amazed at my brain, but really it's nothing.

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.