Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers have to sit in the balcony.

I left my car parked at the top of Lombard Street Hill, and I forgot to put the breaks on. It's the funniest thing. The car is running down the hill.

Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

A young boy shouldn't be given up for hopeless just because he's lazy, surly, and good for nothing. Don't be discouraged by those things - maybe he's just trying to be like his daddy.