You've buttered your bread, now sleep in it.

I left my car parked at the top of Lombard Street Hill, and I forgot to put the breaks on. It's the funniest thing. The car is running down the hill.

A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.

Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?