All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?

When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers have to sit in the balcony.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take.

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.