All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

A young boy shouldn't be given up for hopeless just because he's lazy, surly, and good for nothing. Don't be discouraged by those things - maybe he's just trying to be like his daddy.

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

It's foolish to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I know it seems silly to ask a horse who's going to win a race - but it's no sillier than asking anyone else.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

It's a game everybody plays. If you see a man with a beard and holler "Beaver!" it's five points. And if you see a man with a moustache, it's onlI three points.