All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?

A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take.