This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

You've buttered your bread, now sleep in it.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water,I simply defrost it.