This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

Gracie: "Don't give up, Blanche. Women don't do that. Look at Betsy Ross, Martha Washington-they didn't give up. Look at Nina Jones." Blanche Morton: "Nina Jones?" Gracie: "I've never heard of her either, because she gave up."

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

You've buttered your bread, now sleep in it.