This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water,I simply defrost it.

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

A young boy shouldn't be given up for hopeless just because he's lazy, surly, and good for nothing. Don't be discouraged by those things - maybe he's just trying to be like his daddy.

It's foolish to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I know it seems silly to ask a horse who's going to win a race - but it's no sillier than asking anyone else.

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.