I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

I left my car parked at the top of Lombard Street Hill, and I forgot to put the breaks on. It's the funniest thing. The car is running down the hill.

Some people are amazed at my brain, but really it's nothing.

You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?

Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.