I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

You've buttered your bread, now sleep in it.

This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them.

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old.

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.