Britain's such a twisted, weird little place.

I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer.

You don't want to be hard to look at. Plain very good, hard to look at bad. The plain shall inherit the earth; time is our friend.

One of the great things about being gay and out is that the papers couldn't care less about your love life.

Basically, I'm a really bad interviewer. I love meeting celebrities, but then I get a bit bored. Once you meet them you thing, 'really, what an ordinary person'.

Well, certainly I think American television is - that's proper TV.

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.