Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.

Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.

Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: They don’t break up with you.

Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.

We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.