Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.

Cheating gets easier every time it's done. It's only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone's trust.

Uncool is a cool resting place. The pressure's off me.

Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.

Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.

I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.

The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.