First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.

Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.

I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.

When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.

Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.

Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.