I get giddy with the idea of stringing words together that make people laugh.

The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.

Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.

There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it's not so much about the theme of the show.

Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.

So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.

Let's start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there's something better out there is to first believe there's something better out there. What other choice is there?