If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes.

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges

A good indication that it's not is if you're only staying with What's His Name because you're scared.

If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.

Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.

I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.

You picked a lemon, throw it away lemonade is overrated. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith.