I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.

The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.

First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend

You already have one asshole, you don't need another one

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

Every time you see him, you only make yourself vulnerable to further heartache. Do you really need further proof that he's getting on with his life without you?