I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.

If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.

Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.

We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.

It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.

Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges