Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.

Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.

Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.

The only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.

If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.

There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.

big plans require big action