Always be classy. Never be crazy.

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.

I mean, I feel like you can kill the same bird with both stones.

I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.

Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.

Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.