I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.

Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.

There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.

Men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth.

Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.

Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.

..he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.