I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges

I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.

You are not easily forgotten.

The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.

If you bury the pain deep down it will stay with you indefinitely, but if you open yourself to it, experience it, and deal with it head-on, you'll find it begins to move on after a while.

So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.