There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.

People don't admire you for what you hate, they admire you for what you do about it, and your slacks.

Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)

But what I can do is paint you a picture of what you’ll never see when you’re with a guy who’s really into you: You’ll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You’ll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you’re calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You’ll be too busy being adored.

There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.

It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.

Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.