There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it's not so much about the theme of the show.

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.

When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.

..he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.

We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.

As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.

Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.