There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it's not so much about the theme of the show.

Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica?

But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation

She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.

We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.

A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up. He then called her, begging her forgiveness and giving some excuse. She told him to get lost, telling him that he only gets one shot with her, and he blew it.

Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.