There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it's not so much about the theme of the show.

He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.

Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older. But now I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone. I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved.

I don't know" means "NO!" "I don't know" means "I'm too cowardly to tell you the truth because I can't deal with confrontation." "I don't know" means please do the dirty work for me because I don't want to hurt your feelings even more then I already have.

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted.