I was just in Las Vegas, where prostitution is legal. Which is a relief because I live in Los Angeles, where it is mandatory.

We are now able to create virtual realities on computers. Are we all living in one created by someone in the future?

If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?

Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

I enjoy writing the same way I enjoy doing standup. Part of the challenge is being creative and making it work no matter what the constraints.

Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me.

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds. The other 19 are shame.