In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

Look at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you cheat on your wife and cover it up for 200 years, you're pretty much thinking you're home free.

You got a cop under five feet tall, what if he's gotta plant evidence on a high shelf? What then? What if he's gotta chase a suspect onto a ride at Disneyland?

Gilbert Gottfried is famously cheap. I'm impressed you're here Gilbert. You gotta buy new clothes and take a week off work just to do this. But you showed up. You tightened your belt and you came. You're like David Carradine.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

Ice-T is so old that the first thing he bought with the money from his album sales was his freedom.

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?