If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.

Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.

If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.

I think comedy should be left up to the professionals, that way everyone's safety is protected.

Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

If you do not find me funny, that is your problem and I am not going away.