I work for a few at home who are devoted. People who are up now. Either they have some sort of bladder problem or they're extremely drunk. This is my crowd, these are the people I hope to get.

I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.

No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.

Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.

You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.

Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.

I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.