I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.

Think about everything you read and everything you see. The one thing we can learn from all the horrible things that have happened in the last 15-20 years is that hysteria is the last thing we need. Cool thinking, pragmatism, and analytical thought are most important at this point.

My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.

I think comedy should be left up to the professionals, that way everyone's safety is protected.

I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.

How would you like to make money in real estate?

I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.