I thought the Egyptians had cured baldness.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.

I would never advocate the use of dope because, you know, I'm not a professional athlete and I don't have access to the good stuff.

My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.

I'm old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal.

Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.

Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.