I thought the Egyptians had cured baldness.

Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.

I'm all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation.

You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.

If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.