Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: 'Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.'

Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.

I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.

People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.

No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.