We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.

Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'

Oh, I don't wear a bathing suit. I wear a tent when I go out.

I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.

How would you like to make money in real estate?