We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!

Animals have two vital functions in today's society; to be delicious and to fit well.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.

My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.

Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.

If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.