We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!

I would never advocate the use of dope because, you know, I'm not a professional athlete and I don't have access to the good stuff.

Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.

I thought the Egyptians had cured baldness.

Tequila is like acid in a glass.

I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.